The holidays are supposed to be a time for giving, bringing together old friends and family, and eating lots of sweets. Holidays should be full of lots of laughter and joy! But, what if the holidays are the worst time of year, because they remind you of what you’ve lost? For instance: what if your family isn’t the happy family as shown on holiday movies? What if your hopes and dreams were shattered because of a broken family? What if the holidays remind you of what you don’t have rather than what is your living room?
Now, it’s time to make everyone happy during the happy holiday season. There are five different family parties on the same day. How do I decide where to go? I chose my husband’s family, because they are the ideal extended family dynamic that I was missing from my family. My family never stood a chance because they were broken by divorce.
My side of the family also wants to spend time with me. It is hard to justify how sad my family is when I have the perfect fit spending the holidays with my husband’s family. I desperately wanted approval from a family and they accepted me. My family gave up when times got hard.
I chose spending holidays with my in-laws, the easy decision, because trying to repair a broken family was not in my cards. My husband’s parents are good to me and they have always welcomed me with open arms. I desperately needed acceptance and it made sense to TRY to fit in with them.
My family always came to me for answers. I joked all the time that I was the mother figure in our family to my brothers and sisters of 10, 11, 12 and counting. I wanted to fix my family. We were taught to run when things got tough and that’s what we all do. We never knew that we could just hash it out as adults instead of holding unhealthy grudges.
Holidays present day are still rough they bring up a heavy load of anxiety and pain instead of joy and happiness. Do I pass this on to my children? Or do I grow the f$&k up and work on myself so I can be a better example for my family?
See we all have a choice. You either choose to be happy or you choose to be miserable and wallow in your pain. Choose wisely because we only get one shot at this!