Tonight, my toddler, aka Norbert, decided it was okay to go potty in a USPS box that was going to be mailed to a customer. There was no way my costumer ordered a box of pee with her shirt! My easy clean up solution was to throw everything in the tub while I mopped the floor. This was definitely the wrong solution. I learned quickly to never leave my kid in the tub unsupervised. Not only could she have drowned, but other messy things could happen in tub. Something did happen: POOP!  If you haven’t fished out floating poop from the tub, you are really missing out! Quickly, I got her out of the tub and “Oh shit!” I forgot to put a diaper on her! It was too late; Norbert just peed on the couch! WTF did this kid drink today?!

At this point, I was completely done. It had only been 10 minutes since Norbert first went potty in the USPS box. I was sitting there scrubbing my couch while my naked toddler was running around laughing at me. Well lucky, it was late (around 6pm).  I though, “Maybe, I can convince her it is bed time, and I can clean the tub tomorrow.”

Did I ever mention that I have a really cute dog? She is an 8 year old Morkie (designer mutt: Maltese and Yorkie mix). Her name is Miley. Don’t judge me, Miley Cyrus was cool 8 years ago. Anyways, while I was dreaming about going to bed at 6pm, Miley started to whine. I couldn’t find her! Where do you think I found her????  In the bathtub! What was she doing? Any guesses? She was eating the poop I didn’t clean up yet. (Miley is now for sale)! I am sure you have felt that tingling gross feeling in the back of your throat! Well, it just came out and I couldn’t stop! Dogs are so nasty! I am so sick to my stomach rewriting this!

Even tough parenting can be hard at times, there are always those little moments that make it all worth it. Norbert (real name Amelia) came up to me while my head was in the toilet and I was crying and said “Mommy, can I throw up with you?” and hugged my leg.

Writing this made everything a little better, but my dog is still for sale.

Big Hugs, Mandy

I’ve trained my dog to bring me red wine. She’s a Bordeaux mutt. 

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